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  • Writer's pictureTammy Toney-Butler

Choosing Hope; Defeating Despair


I rise today with a cup of coffee and open the curtains to let the light inside—such an act of Faith to do that effortless task. For so long, I got lost in a sea of despair that it threatened to consume me. How could I shine a bright light on the darkness that permeated my soul?


Most days in my world are full of hopeless despair as I dwell on past storms. How could I even find the energy to get out of bed and seek a new day? How do you move past the betrayal of a loved one, the betrayal of your body, when it succumbed to the craving and grasped that bottle to comfort my tormented soul? Nothing soothes the raw, gaping wound left behind when that man did those horrible things to me as a child. The bottle at least dulls the negative voice in my head that says, "see, you are used goods, worthless, no one will ever love you, you will never have what you seek, give up, have another drink."


How do you silence that voice of darkness that comes to kill, steal, and destroy? Do you dare hope? Do you dare trust? Do you dare let the light in for only a second as it warms your face and penetrates even the darkest places? Do you know the strength to get out of bed and open that curtain? Can I do it? I may need a helper. Who can I call out to in this moment of need? I am so alone, lost in a wilderness of despair with seemingly no way out.

No one understands, and if they knew the things I did, they would hate me. I am so ashamed. Why do I even exist? If I never come back, will anyone care?


Are you lost, alone in the wilderness of negative thought pathways? Help is always close by! You do matter and you have nothing to be ashamed of, nothing that will keep you from finding peace and love at the foot of the cross!


Call out to Jesus, and ask Him to be Lord and Savior of your heart. Repent of past sins, turn your face back to Him, to the light! Abba Father is a good father, full of love, peace, joy, and mercy through His son Jesus Christ's death on the cross and resurrection, you can be set free! I was and so can you!


Romans 10:9-13 (NIIV): If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. 11 As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.” 12 For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, 13 for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”


Rest on the Promises of God's Word!


Matthew 7: 7 (NIV): “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.


We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals in the United States.

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